All alone, empty and beaten down, the winds and storms of life leave us battered and scarred. Each of us, maybe in different ways, are at the core of our being lost and empty. Trouble is it may take us years to figure this out. In our pride and self-sufficiency, we stand and try to navigate our way through this life. Even though the storms with gale force winds knock us down and blow us around, we attempt to steadily, determinedly walk on. What we do not want to admit, what we do not wish to acknowledge is that we need help from outside ourselves. The gaping hole that sits at the center of our being is filled with everything imaginable, in order to try to cover and coat our wounded, lost and broken souls. The spiritual element of our lives is the last thing we want to think about and that is why it takes us so long to Come Home to the Healer. Being filled with everything but Him, hinders our recognition that the thing we are missing is spiritual, and ultimately is found in Him.
I ran for many years in the opposite direction from the One Love that I truly needed. I tried to find it in other relationships, but walked away empty, scarred and bruised. I tried to find purpose and meaning in everything the world offered, only to be left alone, busted and torn apart. I tried to find sufficiency within myself and in my own strength, not knowing that the One who’s Strength I needed was waiting patiently for me to Come Home to Him. My plans were frustrated and nothing made sense. Lost, bewildered and overcome with the grief and shame of a life lived without direction, I came to the end of myself and saw Him as the One who could give my life all that I had been searching for. Direction, Purpose, Meaning and Unfailing Love were awaiting me as I dropped the bags of self-loathing, self-deprecation and selfishness. The end of my life became the beginning of a New Life. But I had to go through every mile and come to the end with only one conclusion: that I was wrecked, my life was shattered and I could not possibly put the fragments back together. Oh, the greatness and freedom that is found when we embrace the shell of what we once were and watch Him work into that empty person something that surpasses beauty!
Wounded. Exhausted. Tired from my own efforts, I slip down to the floor and lay there. Prayers I didn’t pray. Things that I said that were ungraceful. My self-righteousness trying to cloak His. The inner dilemmas and moments when I don’t want to love others. Or when I want to go all Bruce Lee on somebody for a moment and then realize that I must take that anger and frustration to Him. The life laid bare before the King. I keep forgetting that He looks on me with Love and not disgust. I am righteous, but not by my own efforts. His Son has made me thus. As self-loathing turns into the warmth of His Love, I am pulled to my feet by Jesus’ strong hands. He reminds me yet again, that I am not defined by my sins, but by His substitutionary act upon the Cross.
We must all fall at His Feet. Whether we belong to Him yet or not, He wants to take on our burdens, shame and pain. And though I have been privileged to walk on the same path with Him for many years now, I still forget. I forget that I am still learning and am not already learned. I still attempt to do things in my own way and in my own strength. Inevitably, I become exhausted and am overwhelmed by the weight I carry. Unwilling to allow Him to live His life through me, I land harder on the floor this time. The words are already forming and sound hauntingly familiar. With them, I remind myself, “You cannot do this apart from Him”. Somehow, I have landed here again, forgetting lessons already learned and His softly spoken words of reassurance. But first, I must acknowledge the reason for the fall. I must acknowledge that I am broken yet again. He cannot fix things that are not broken and we must realize that we are before He can fix us. When we embrace our brokenness and weakness; that is the point when He gives us His strength.
When I don’t perform well and beat myself up, He still loves on. When I give up trying to be good and righteous, He claps His Hands and says “now you’ve got it”. Like a Father who is proud of their child for learning something new, His face lights up with Joy at our desperate cries from our helplessness. And we run into His Arms as any child would do. So when you feel like giving up and embrace the fact that you are broken and cannot fix things yourself, that is when He can shine in you! He lives and loves to restore us from the brokenness.
I ran for many years in the opposite direction from the One Love that I truly needed. I tried to find it in other relationships, but walked away empty, scarred and bruised. I tried to find purpose and meaning in everything the world offered, only to be left alone, busted and torn apart. I tried to find sufficiency within myself and in my own strength, not knowing that the One who’s Strength I needed was waiting patiently for me to Come Home to Him. My plans were frustrated and nothing made sense. Lost, bewildered and overcome with the grief and shame of a life lived without direction, I came to the end of myself and saw Him as the One who could give my life all that I had been searching for. Direction, Purpose, Meaning and Unfailing Love were awaiting me as I dropped the bags of self-loathing, self-deprecation and selfishness. The end of my life became the beginning of a New Life. But I had to go through every mile and come to the end with only one conclusion: that I was wrecked, my life was shattered and I could not possibly put the fragments back together. Oh, the greatness and freedom that is found when we embrace the shell of what we once were and watch Him work into that empty person something that surpasses beauty!
Wounded. Exhausted. Tired from my own efforts, I slip down to the floor and lay there. Prayers I didn’t pray. Things that I said that were ungraceful. My self-righteousness trying to cloak His. The inner dilemmas and moments when I don’t want to love others. Or when I want to go all Bruce Lee on somebody for a moment and then realize that I must take that anger and frustration to Him. The life laid bare before the King. I keep forgetting that He looks on me with Love and not disgust. I am righteous, but not by my own efforts. His Son has made me thus. As self-loathing turns into the warmth of His Love, I am pulled to my feet by Jesus’ strong hands. He reminds me yet again, that I am not defined by my sins, but by His substitutionary act upon the Cross.
We must all fall at His Feet. Whether we belong to Him yet or not, He wants to take on our burdens, shame and pain. And though I have been privileged to walk on the same path with Him for many years now, I still forget. I forget that I am still learning and am not already learned. I still attempt to do things in my own way and in my own strength. Inevitably, I become exhausted and am overwhelmed by the weight I carry. Unwilling to allow Him to live His life through me, I land harder on the floor this time. The words are already forming and sound hauntingly familiar. With them, I remind myself, “You cannot do this apart from Him”. Somehow, I have landed here again, forgetting lessons already learned and His softly spoken words of reassurance. But first, I must acknowledge the reason for the fall. I must acknowledge that I am broken yet again. He cannot fix things that are not broken and we must realize that we are before He can fix us. When we embrace our brokenness and weakness; that is the point when He gives us His strength.
When I don’t perform well and beat myself up, He still loves on. When I give up trying to be good and righteous, He claps His Hands and says “now you’ve got it”. Like a Father who is proud of their child for learning something new, His face lights up with Joy at our desperate cries from our helplessness. And we run into His Arms as any child would do. So when you feel like giving up and embrace the fact that you are broken and cannot fix things yourself, that is when He can shine in you! He lives and loves to restore us from the brokenness.
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