Sometimes, if I am honest, my words are harmful. I inflict wounds unintended and then regret them and can't take them back. I have a case of foot-in-mouth-disease that I am not always aware of. Then comes the lump-in-the-throat moment of trying to apologize. Because sometimes saying “I'm sorry” isn't enough.
Although we are not responsible for other's response, we are responsible for our approach. How we relate to others says a lot about us. If we are cold and distant, they will pick up on that. If we talk to them with disrespect and contempt, they will certainly recognize that. If we cannot give the other person an opportunity to speak, they may take that as an indicator that we do not take them seriously and that we or our opinions are more important than them. Being mindful of these things is the first step in trying to live a life of esteeming others.
In the book of Acts, a fellow whose nickname was Barnabas comes on the scene. He was called this because he was a great encourager. His reputation for building other people up and encouraging others preceded him as he traveled. I don't know about you, but I don't run into that many folks that try to do that. I make frail attempts at that myself, but fail miserably at being able to continue to do so. I have friends who float into and out of my life and all they need is an encouraging word at the time. Others seem to be downcast more often than I care to be around them and it proves futile to extend any words of grace. My own battles with expectations versus reality can lead me down Disappointment Way. I am surprised when others hurt me, forgetting all about the fact that I am just as capable. And although I may not treat others exactly the harsh way that I was just treated, I am doing just fine on my own in hurting others. Rehearsing in my head what I would have said or should have said to lash out at another is just as bad and I am just as guilty as if I had spewed the poison out loud. But because those thoughts are hidden, I have many times justified them anyway. Oh, the danger in that! The Bible tells us that God looks “deep within the mind and heart” (Psalm 7:9b). That He “test(s) my thoughts and examine(s) my heart” (Psalm 17:3a). So even when no one else knows the thoughts and intents of my heart, He does. As I repent of those thoughts and hurtful words unspoken, He washes me clean again. What a generous and loving Savior! Matthew 15:18 tells us that Jesus said what comes out of our mouths is an indicator of what lies deep within our hearts. Ouch! Thus, the need to remain close to Him and the constant self-check to make sure that we are not sinning with our mouths because of our hearts.
In Ephesians, Paul exhorts us: “Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them. (Ephesians 4:29) And, “Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you. (Ephesians 4:31-32)” I can pretty much guaruntee that when my mouth or mind is abusive, it is due to an unforgiving, or critical spirit. And to be an encourager of others, I cannot let my bitter mouth fly open. Deep within my heart, this is what I want, although I do not always do this. As I ask for the Helper to help in this area of my life, I will be transformed more and more into an encouraging person, one that others will want to be around and want to receive a word from. Since we are all relatives through His blood and sacrifice, let us make every effort to encourage and build one another up in love, rather than be divisive and tear each other down.
May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing to you, O Lord, my rock and my redeemer. Psalm 19:14 NLT
Although we are not responsible for other's response, we are responsible for our approach. How we relate to others says a lot about us. If we are cold and distant, they will pick up on that. If we talk to them with disrespect and contempt, they will certainly recognize that. If we cannot give the other person an opportunity to speak, they may take that as an indicator that we do not take them seriously and that we or our opinions are more important than them. Being mindful of these things is the first step in trying to live a life of esteeming others.
In the book of Acts, a fellow whose nickname was Barnabas comes on the scene. He was called this because he was a great encourager. His reputation for building other people up and encouraging others preceded him as he traveled. I don't know about you, but I don't run into that many folks that try to do that. I make frail attempts at that myself, but fail miserably at being able to continue to do so. I have friends who float into and out of my life and all they need is an encouraging word at the time. Others seem to be downcast more often than I care to be around them and it proves futile to extend any words of grace. My own battles with expectations versus reality can lead me down Disappointment Way. I am surprised when others hurt me, forgetting all about the fact that I am just as capable. And although I may not treat others exactly the harsh way that I was just treated, I am doing just fine on my own in hurting others. Rehearsing in my head what I would have said or should have said to lash out at another is just as bad and I am just as guilty as if I had spewed the poison out loud. But because those thoughts are hidden, I have many times justified them anyway. Oh, the danger in that! The Bible tells us that God looks “deep within the mind and heart” (Psalm 7:9b). That He “test(s) my thoughts and examine(s) my heart” (Psalm 17:3a). So even when no one else knows the thoughts and intents of my heart, He does. As I repent of those thoughts and hurtful words unspoken, He washes me clean again. What a generous and loving Savior! Matthew 15:18 tells us that Jesus said what comes out of our mouths is an indicator of what lies deep within our hearts. Ouch! Thus, the need to remain close to Him and the constant self-check to make sure that we are not sinning with our mouths because of our hearts.
In Ephesians, Paul exhorts us: “Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them. (Ephesians 4:29) And, “Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you. (Ephesians 4:31-32)” I can pretty much guaruntee that when my mouth or mind is abusive, it is due to an unforgiving, or critical spirit. And to be an encourager of others, I cannot let my bitter mouth fly open. Deep within my heart, this is what I want, although I do not always do this. As I ask for the Helper to help in this area of my life, I will be transformed more and more into an encouraging person, one that others will want to be around and want to receive a word from. Since we are all relatives through His blood and sacrifice, let us make every effort to encourage and build one another up in love, rather than be divisive and tear each other down.
May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing to you, O Lord, my rock and my redeemer. Psalm 19:14 NLT
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